Have you ever read something and wondered “didn’t the writer edit this? At all?”

My job as editor means I read unedited writing. Most of the time, the writer has tried to self-edit, with varying success. I don’t mind that. Unfortunately, I have read a few novels lately that seem as if no one has even tried to correct the text, beyond using the spelling checker in the word processing software. It’s aggravating to read 300 pages filled with grammatical mistakes, clichés and unclear sentences.

Here are some of the worst offences:

Too much detail

This is a sin that I know I must watch for in my own writing. It’s not necessary to write “she put the envelope on the desk and slid it across to him.” Just tell us that “he” took, or better yet, opened the envelope.

And you don’t have to tell us everything a character ate for breakfast. Get to the action. If you want to emphasize that he or she is health-conscious, then describe the grapefruit, yogurt and peanut butter (or whatever) once. One of the more annoying aspects of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series is the number of times Stieg Larsson described his characters eating Billy’s Pan Pizza or liverwurst sandwiches. How does repeating that detail add to characterization or plot?

A few other examples from recent reading (titles and names withheld to protect the guilty):

— “nod in agreement” — Most readers will understand that “nodding” indicates agreement. You could just write “agreed,” but ask yourself if your story or message really needs this detail.

— “collapsed to the floor” — A floor is generally what people and things collapse to, unless it’s the bare ground. If you’ve established your setting already, your readers know what characters are collapsing to.
— “‘You’re going to have to leave,’ said the waitress as she came back to my table.” — If she did not come to the table, how would the customer hear her?

New clichés

You’ve read about all the standard clichés to avoid (like the plague ;)). But new clichés have emerged — phrases that sounded fresh once, but have had the life squeezed out of them through overuse by lazy writers.

— thin blue line, meaning the police force
— splitting headache
— fallen on deaf ears
— snapped like a whip
— peppered with gunfire
— master plan
— pushing the envelope
— out of the box
— going forward, meaning the future
— hit on
— tagged and bagged, meaning a dead body
— more than meets the eye — the writer’s job is to show the reader more than their eyes will see.

Think of new ways of getting these images across. No, it won’t be easy, but did you think the writer’s job would be easy?

Finally, the worst cliché of all, found in Hollywood scripts and beginners’ novels: everyone is attractive. Look around you: how many people do you see in your office or on your bus that are really that attractive? How many men are muscular and fit with washboard abs? How many women are beautiful?

Flawed characters are much more believable than perfect ones. Those flaws can be physical, as well as psychological, economic or moral.

Wordiness

In writing, using too many words to express an idea is a felony.

Read over your work carefully, and ask: can you delete these words or this phrase without reducing the amount of information in the document? Delete them!

Watch for phrases like these:

— mutual cooperation — all cooperation is mutual, or it’s not cooperation
— with a look of disappointment — try “she/he looked disappointed”
— with reluctance — “reluctantly”
— long drawn-out voyage — just “long” will do, or express this in a new way
— swirling vortex — all vortices swirl; it’s what vortices do
— rises up — I’ve never heard of anything “rising down” (although I remember upsydasium, the element that “fell up” from Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoons)
— the colour of bronze
— the month of December — December is not anything BUT a month
— place of business — This can be anything. Be specific. Use “store,” “office,” “restaurant,” or whatever is the case.
— due to the fact that — write “because”
— dead corpse
— are in evidence — write “are.”

Simplicity

Finally, remember to keep it simple. Don’t try to impress the reader with literary flourishes, and don’t show off your vocabulary. A book, document or report is not about the writer, even when it’s an autobiography. It’s about telling a story or a message to an audience.

The following are a few examples I see mostly in science fiction and fantasy, but also in historical fiction and even in business reports:

Don’t write              use instead

• countenance   face
• assistance       help
• perpetrator     attacker/invader/burglar — be specific
• fatigued          tired 
• attempting       trying 
• sufficient         enough
• regarding         about

Do you have any tips or pet peeves about needlessly complex, overblown or wordy writing? Leave a comment.