Comment spam, part 1: Don't publish these!

Image from wikimedia. This file is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 2.0 License.

When I started blogging, I was at first astounded by the amount of spam comments I get. Why do people bother with this? Today, my reaction alternates between being annoyed and amused.

Normally, I delete all spam comments after a quick check — sometimes, Blogger puts a legitimate comment into the Spam folder, or rarely, spam filters through Google’s firewall and ends up on my “Awaiting moderation” page.

But I’ve noticed patterns. Most spam comments fall into a few categories — at least, the ones I get. And some get repeat almost verbatim; others are so close, they’re obvious variations on a theme.

So for your edification and amusement, I stopped deleting them about two weeks ago, and let them build up in the “Spam” folder. Now, here are a few examples of the “better” ones.

Grammatically flawed flattery

Some spammers think that buttering me up will convince me to click on their scams. But for me, horrible grammar is a real turn-off.

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If I doubted that was spam, that last bit about his/her blog cinched it.

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Adaptable piano benches?

 

Burnellyow at the English language Wikipedia. Licensed under Creative Commons

Comments about recommendations from the spammer’s brother come frequently:

My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog. He was entirely right. This submit actually made my day. You can not imagine just how so much time I had spent for this info! Thank you! Check out my blog post

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I got him/her a teacher?

Hi to all, as I am actually keen of reading this weblog's post to be updated daily. It contains pleasant data. my web page (window manufacturer)“Pleasant data”!

I take pleasure in, lead to I found exactly what I used to be having a look for. You have ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a nice day. Bye Feel free to visit my webpageThe four-day hunt seems to be a popular tour!

Flattery, with added opportunity

Sometimes, the spammer goes to the next step in enticing me:

Have you ever contemplated making an e-book as well as visitor authoring on some other sites? I've got a website depending on the identical subjects you talk about and sooo want to have you share a few stories/information. I am aware my personal audience would certainly worth work. In case you are perhaps a little bit serious, feel free to shoot myself an e-mail. Appreciate your web site publish. Jones i are actually conserving for the fresh newsletter with this make any difference as well as your post has made us to save lots of your own money. Your thinking truly cleared up our issues. Actually, over that which you experienced considered in advance of some time all of us ran into your wonderful blog. My wife and i no longer nurture doubts in addition to a stressed brain as you have fully attended to our personal requirements in this article. Here is my web page: amazon credit card payments

Who could resist that?

Don’t click on any of these comments, if you get them in your blog. Having your links and information spread to even more spam!

Next post: helpful spam, spam that asks questions and spam that's just plain bizarre. 

The best and worst of Bruce Blake

Bruce Blake is having a significant impact on the independent author scene. In addition to writing some innovative fantasy and horror novels, he has founded the Guild of Dreams fantasy writers’ collective, which has a Facebook group page as well as a blog, where members take turns posting very interesting ideas, opinions, interviews, excerpts and lots of other stuff. Check it out — AFTER reading Bruce’s addition to the confessionals series, “The best and the worst I’ve ever done — as a writer.”

When Scott asked me to write a few words about the best and worst things I've done as a writer, it took me a while to come up with something that didn't sound cliché and lazy. How easy would it have been to say the best thing I ever did was to self-publish and the worst was to wait so long to self-publish? Both of those answers are valid, but I'm aware of the quality of Scott's writing and blogging, so I thought, “No, Bruce. That's not good enough. Scott's readers will demand more.”

 

So here's the real deal.

The best thing I ever did was to keep working on, reading about and learning my craft. Too broad? Let me narrow it down to a single incident. I took a writing course by mail through a major writing publication some years ago, which included one-on-one instruction from a published author in my genre. Part of the deal was that I could ask the instructor questions when I submitted my exercises, so I asked this gentleman about how much editing an author typically does. His response? “Most of the published authors I know have their first drafts published almost as-is.”

A book that changed Bruce's
writing life.

I was devastated. I hadn't been writing seriously for long at that point and was still pretty new to the idea of writing to be published, but I knew enough to realize my first drafts weren't good enough to go to print. Not by a long shot (and they still aren't). But I didn't let that deter me. I kept writing and, more importantly, kept learning. Soon after, I came across a book that changed my writing life: James A. Michener's Writer's Handbook: Explorations in Writing and Publishing.

The book included his first draft for a novel and you know what?

It sucked.

Photo of Stephen King
from Wikipedia
Commons



Photo of Ray Bradbury  from Wikipedia
Commons



Mr. Michener, author of dozens of bestsellers, proclaimed that writing really came together during the editing process. (An amusing side note: Mr. Michener wrote by hand. An assistant typed the manuscript, which the author would then edit by literally cutting and pasting with scissors and scotch tape). He said that a first draft is just about getting words down on paper, no matter whether they are good or not, and that editing and rewriting are where a writer breathes life into his work. Since that moment, I've read interviews and books by other writers who say the same thing. You know, hacks like Stephen King and Ray Bradbury.

By the way, years later, I finally tracked down a copy of one of my instructor’s books ... I couldn't get through it.

Ah, sweet vindication.

Other “best things” I've done would have to include realizing that any good writer needs the assistance of others in the form of professional editors, proofreaders and cover artists; exposing myself to other writers (though the other writers might not like it so much when I expose myself, wink wink nudge nudge); and taking it seriously enough to lose sleep and skip social functions to just get it done.

A matter of timing

The worst thing I have ever done as a writer, on the other hand, is more difficult to nail down. If I had to pick one, I think it would involve timing.

I published my first novel, On Unfaithful Wings, to Kindle in December 2011, but resisted enrolling in Amazon's KDP Select program until April (to be part of the program, your novel has to be exclusive on Kindle. I struggled with that concept, despite the fact I've sold a grand total of five copies through other venues). Doesn't sound like such a bad thing, does it? Not until you know that something changed significantly about the program around the end of March. Up until that time, copies given away during KDP free promos counted as sales. That meant independent authors could give their book away to thousands of people (my first free promo, I gave away just shy of 10,000 copies) and end up on the Kindle bestsellers list...the list paying customers see and often use to determine what books they are going to buy.

Around the end of March, the giveaways stopped counting as sales. I did my first promo two weeks later. That hesitation cost me hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of dollars. That would have to be the worst thing I've done as a writer.

Unless you include the time I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die.

Bruce Blake lives on Vancouver Island, which the rest of us Canadians know as the tropical part of Canada. When pressing issues like shovelling snow and building igloos don’t take up his spare time, Bruce can be found taking the dog sled to the nearest coffee shop to work on his short stories and novels.

His first novel is On Unfaithful Wings: An Icarus Fell Novel. He released his newest, Blood of the King, on Amazon in October. A promotional preview excerpt appeared in Written Words on October 1.

Follow his blog, The Thoughts and Opinions of a Writer on the Rise.

Follow him on Twitter @bruceablake.

The 777 challenge

Joe McCoubrey has nominated me for the 777 Challenge.

Joe is author of thrillers like the soon-to-be-released Someone Has to Pay and Absence of Rules. He’s a very active blogger and member of the Master Koda Facebook group. As he explained on his blog, he was tagged for the 777 Challenge last week.

The idea for the Challenge is to post seven sentences from page 7 or 77 of your work-in-progress, and nominate seven other authors you admire to pass the challenge on to.

Before getting to my seven sentences, one explanation: this excerpt probably won’t end up on page 7. I’ve written about three-quarters of the book, but because the plot isn’t linear, I haven’t finished with Chapter 1, yet.

So what we have here is what’s currently on page 7, but pages 1 and 2 represent fractions of chapters.

The WIP is tentatively titled Walking from the Soviet Union. It's the story of my father-in-law, who was drafted into the Red Army in 1941, between the Molotov-von Ribbentrop Pact’s dismemberment of Poland and the invasion of the USSR by Nazi Germany. The story combines my memories of Maurice and his stories of his wartime experience.

Page 7 deals with his induction into the Army, and one person in particular that he met in training camp:

“Good lord,” said Maurice, in Ukrainian.

“You—you look exactly like me!” said the other.

The two men stared at each other, then stood back to look each other up and down. Other cadets looked at them curiously, and soon started to laugh. “Hey, look at the twins!” said one.

“Who are you?” Maurice asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

“Hrech Kowalchuk,” the other answered.

Okay, here’s a little more, just to tell you what was going on:

Maurice was relieved to hear that the man’s voice was distinct from his own. “From Kharkiv. Not too far from here. Who are you?”

“Maurice Bury. Ternopyl.” He looked for a long time at the other man, still barely able to believe his eyes. From the look on Kowalchuk’s face, he felt the same. 

Now, for the seven authors whose blogs I want to encourage you all to visit — and who I hope will carry the 777 Challenge further:

1. Rob Guthrie
2. Scott Morgan
3. Gary Henry 
4. Alan McDermott
5. Will Granger
6. Roger Eschbacher
7. Benjamin X. Wretlind

 Readers, encourage them to pick up the challenge!